He Has a Beard

Half the year, my husband likes to grow a beard. He shaves it around Mother's Day and grows it again around Thanksgiving. I really like his beard.

In order to volunteer at a certain place, he was willing to shave it off right away. I was supportive, but sad to see it go so soon. Fortunately for me, the volunteering isn't going to work out. So he keeps the beard! I've been celebrating it ever since.

I like how the bristles of the pine tree and his bristly face parallel each other. He does not prefer this picture. He said he'd rather I didn't post the odd pictures on my private Instagram, but it's okay to post them on here, my public blog. I want to keep him willing to model for me, so I respect his wishes.

There are maybe two or three people we know who look at this blog, but I have 71 Instagram followers of people we know well, with maybe 20 "likes" a post at the most. I get his reasoning. I'm curious if anyone will go from Instagram to here to witness my odd picture taking and his loveliness.

Forgiveness Brings Peace

A couple of weeks ago, I saw my shadow fall against a painted brick with the word "FORGIVE" on it when I was walking in the wild area of Wheeler Farm. I thought it would be interesting to take a picture that made it look like "forgive" was being placed on my shadow's mind.

I decided to save the picture to use in a blog post about forgiveness. I wanted to say something like, It's good to choose to forgive.

I didn't find time to write that post until today.

One of the things that was slowing the writing down was that I hadn't had any recent situations where I needed to forgive anyone. "Forgive" wasn't really on my mind. 

Just a few days ago, that changed. 

Without the intent to hurt, someone said something to me and another loved one that felt terrible. I know I overreacted. I was angry. The comment also influenced me to feel shame. I worried how the other loved one would feel about the comment.

I really don't like worry, hurt, shame, and anger. Thankfully, I'm not used to them; I feel calm and peaceful most of the time. 

I wanted to forgive quickly. It wasn't happening fast. It took a lot of work and a bit of time before the forgiveness came. First I had to work on my thoughts. 

Initially, I was focusing on the terrible words. I had to remind myself that they weren't said to hurt. The person saw something they thought was funny, and verbalized it. I shared with this person why it was hurtful and they seemed to understand.  

They didn't apologize. For me, it's a lot easier to feel validated and to forgive if someone says sorry even if they didn't do something on purpose. But I'm an experienced forgiver. I know that I can't require apologies. I can choose to forgive without them.

Even so, I wanted to hang onto those angry, hurt feelings because it felt like I could somehow punish the person with them. It's easy to want to hurt others who hurt us. I'm confident the person felt little to no ill effects from my negative emotions. I knew I was hurting myself, not them, by hanging onto the hurt.

After a few hours passed, I realized I'd overreacted. The hurting wasn't intentional. Perhaps they had no idea the underlying feelings it could trigger. They knew what they said was unkind, but since they were simply sharing what they thought was funny, they must have assumed it shouldn't hurt. 

The bottom line was I didn't like how I was feeling or the results the feelings produced. I felt tension throughout my body to the point I was feeling sick and getting a headache. It was time to let go. 

So I did. I chose to forgive. 

To help, I did something nice for the person. I soon felt better.

One of the interesting things about forgiveness is that it doesn't always come with forgetting what happened. I am no longer consciously trying to be guarded, but I've noticed I am. It's a natural consequence. It can be hard to trust, hard to feel safe once feeling hurt. Maybe that's okay; it's important to protect ourselves. 

As I write this, other times I've needed to forgive loved ones for bigger, sometimes intentional offenses have come to mind. They are powerful, painful memories. In each situation, I know I've forgiven the person or people, but I haven't forgotten. 

I'm also thinking about times I've wanted others to forgive me. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned from the mistakes I've made. I'm hopeful for forgiveness from those I've hurt in any way. Knowing this makes it easier to want to extend forgiveness to those by whom I've felt hurt. 

A couple of Sundays ago, I taught my church Primary class of nine-to-eleven-year-olds about how to "open the door" to let Jesus Christ into our lives. I also told them that of all the things I'd want for them this Christmas, I want them to have peace most of all. I told them that peace can come through Jesus Christ. I gave them each a little white bird to remind them that they can turn to Jesus Christ for help to receive that peace. 

If we choose, and open the door to let Him into our hearts, Jesus Christ can help us figure out how to forgive others and return to feeling peace. 

It's important to realize we have the power to direct our thoughts and feelings. We don't have to believe or hold onto everything we think. 

Sometimes we need heavenly help to do it, but I believe it's important to know we can choose to forgive and be restored to peace.

Alone at the Farm

My daughter, who normally walks with me, declined to join me on a walk yesterday. I've felt a bit reluctant about walking alone, but I've always felt safe in the public areas of Wheeler Farm, so there I went. 

At first, I thought I'd just do a jaunt around the perimeter, to get some exercise and sunshine. I planned to head straight back to my car. I walked briskly until I came to the donkey and pony corral.

The donkey's head was outside its fence. It was fiddling through gravel with its lips, trying to filter up some bits of hay that had blown from its feeding trough. There's a sign that says to not feed the animals at the farm, but I figured I was just helping it reach its own food. So I pushed bigger bits of hay closer. 

The ponies immediately came over because they wanted some too. I obliged. 

After joyfully taking pictures of the donkey and ponies, I realized that being on my own meant I could spend as much time as I wanted taking pictures of other things around the farm. I started by focusing on the metal bits of the tractors and other machinery. 

Then I got the idea I could take a selfie by placing my camera below the seat toward my face. I thought that might be an interesting look if I could pull it off.

I liked the result. It brought me so much joy that I was able to successfully capture bits of myself as well as the patina of the old tractor seats. This accidental picture shows the joy I felt that it worked.

Then I went around taking pictures of my face in all kinds of places throughout the farm as well as through more old tractor seats and orange construction fence. It felt like a creative experience. It was very fun and brought me joy. Not all of the pictures were successful, but that was part of the fun.

Because the experience was so joyful, I decided to share the pictures I took on Instagram. Typically, I'm shy about posting selfies, but I posted five of them with no shame, alternating between me and parts of the farm so nobody would get sick of seeing my face. This post has an additional six selfies. Instagram crops some, so these show the full pictures.

My sister commented on Instagram that I could use one of these as my "author photo." I thought that was a sweet thing to say. I haven't been writing much lately, so her subtle support got me thinking about writing again. I've been meaning to write a post about forgiveness. Hopefully I'll find time and desire to do that soon.

Reflecting

 

A Few Aquarium Pictures

Another Late Fall Walk at Wheeler Farm

Peacock looks down at same angle as the contrail