Winter Wheeler

Love and Creation

Sometimes I struggle with depression in the winter. Thankfully, we have a south-facing upstairs bedroom that I use as an office/meditation space/guest bedroom. It lets in a lot of warmth and sunlight. I painted it yellow. Even the ceiling and door are yellow. We call it The Yellow Room. 

I love it. Next to a large window, there's a twin bed with lots of colorful pillows on a soft white comforter. One of my favorite things to do is to lie down on that bed, pull the blinds up to the top so there is only glass between me and outside, and soak in the sunshine. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I fall asleep. It helps.

I was talking to a loved one about my feelings one very sad morning. I was asking for help. This person suggested positive thinking, but also shared some personal beliefs. Two things they mentioned are love and creation. Creation, they said, includes creation of order. I'd told them that I was having trouble with all the doing and redoing of mundane things like washing laundry and doing dishes. They reminded me that taking care of those things creates order, so it's a type of creativity.

The idea of creating order motivated me to hang up something I'd made years ago onto the yellow room's wall. The paintings were just on the floor, propped against a desk, waiting for a new location. It felt great to put them on the wall.

Being creative helps my sadness. Putting up Christmas lights in the kitchen was also a kind of creation of order.

Then there's being outside in nature, out in God's creation. That helps too, especially when the sky is blue and the sun is shining, but also when it isn't. Walking with people I love makes it easier. Creation fills me with gratitude.

I'm thankful for love and creation. I'm thankful to my loved one for reminding me those things matter. They can help lift sadness on gray days.

Invidiosus

She's painfully aware of what she hasn't:
Your opportunities, advantages, and blessings.
She's earnestly envious of your realities;
Builds a thought wall of jealous resentment.

She won't near for fear of loathing.
Ignoring you is easier; she shalt not covet.
Without looking, there is nothing to compare;
No thoughts become invidiously invasive.

You and your differences disappear.
No relationship, thoughtfulness, support, or love.
She thinks she's safely missing out on you.
You are also sadly missing out on her.

------

I used to feel intimidated by someone. I learned later, they also felt intimidated by me. It prevented us from having a closer friendship. This kind of thing can easily happen. Jealousy can keep people apart. I think it's a form of enmity. 

I've heard that if you admire something about someone, instead of being jealous, you can choose to be inspired. You can be motivated to work toward certain qualities or possessions. You can choose to love. It doesn't have to form a wall. It doesn't have to destroy or prevent a relationship.

"Invidiosus" sounds like a disease. It is. It's Latin for "envious."

Propinquity Matters

A month or so ago, while I was listening to a BYU graduation speech, I learned a new word: propinquity. It means something similar to proximity: being near others, but also implies a feeling of closeness or kinship. The speech was given by Kevin J. Worthen called "The Propinquity Effect" and can be found on YouTube if you follow the link HERE.

Scientists have observed that people who are near one another tend to become closer emotionally. Simply repeatedly seeing someone can increase positive feelings toward them. Spending time with people with whom we want to feel close will help us become closer. 

I read a book this week called Love 2.0 by Barbara L. Fredrickson. She says love is different than feeling affectionate, having a commitment to someone, or feeling a bond. She says that "connection and positive resonance" are truer definitions of love. She says loving someone only happens when you are actually with them or doing something for them. She suggests love happens with action-- when we are near others and connect to them in positive ways. She presents logical, biological, psychological, non-emotional, and scientific reasons for cultivating love toward everyone we encounter. Those small moments add up to a sense of well being. 

Sounds to me like love requires propinquity.

My husband is really good at what he calls "points of connection" between us. He works nine hour days and is otherwise very busy, but he makes time for us to be together. He likes to listen to audio books, while I read the hard copy version on my own, so when we are together we have something to discuss. Date nights are important to him. Just sitting next to each other in the car, or while watching TV or a movie, count as points of connection. Thankfully, we are so close that despite my introversion, being with him doesn't deplete me; it's enjoyable and calming.

Also, a couple of days ago I started thinking about how Jesus Christ spent His mission in face-to-face, one-on-one encounters. He served, blessed, and taught individual people in very personal ways. He truly demonstrated love in action with pure connection. Propinquity seemed to matter to Him. 

It's not always easy for me to mix and mingle, but I'm learning it's probably worth it. Between Worthen's speech, Fredrickson's book, and the ideal Jesus Christ exemplified, I'm realizing being with people is more important and beneficial than I thought. Propinquity matters.

Problems and Hope

Life has not turned out like I expected. It's easy to despair, to feel angry; though I don't feel those ways right now. I know angry people. I don't blame them. Terrible, devastating things happen.  

When I was young, I believed in fairy tales. I thought some day, if I did everything I was supposed to do, I'd have a happily-ever-after life. Youth is a time of idealistic thinking. I knew I wouldn't be perfect, but I believed if I made mistakes or bad things happened, I could fix them, or they'd be fixed for me. Then I'd continue on with a problem-free life. 

I didn't think some of my loved ones would make different choices than I'd choose. I didn't think about mental illness, and other body problems out of my control. I didn't think about entropy and natural processes like death.

It's also easy to compare lives. Some people seem problem-free. I have learned to not feel jealous of others. You may not know their hidden pain or past and future challenges. 

When I was younger, I should have realized there would be times when I would choose not to be happy. I want to grieve when loved ones die; I want to feel empathy with those in pain; I want to feel discontent when I need to make changes; and I want to be angry when there is injustice. I want to feel negative emotions when it makes sense. Being happy all the time doesn't make sense. 

Even "Jesus wept" as the scripture says in John 11:35. He knew Lazarus would rise from the dead, but he still wept with Mary and Martha. Jesus was perfect and was not happy all the time.

This morning, I was listening to a BYU devotional on YouTube while I exercised. It was given yesterday by Kendra M. Hall-Kenyon, called "Finding Strength in the Lord." 

Hall-Kenyon begins her talk with a story about her son Max. When he was about six, they were discussing Heavenly Father's Plan and he said, 

"You can have a no-problem day, but you can't have a no-problem life!" 

Hall-Kenyon proceeded to share how we can find strength in the Lord. She tells of tender mercies, miracles, the story of Alma and his people, and what it really means to "prosper in the land." It doesn't mean we won't have problems. 

It does mean we can be comforted, supported, strengthened, and receive tender mercies and miracles along the way. The way to recognize and experience these comes when we have a firm foundation of trust in the Lord, Jesus Christ and in Heavenly Father's Plan.

I should have realized opposition would continue throughout my life no matter how good I was. The contrast of life is part of what makes it complete, vivid, and educational. It's all part of the plan. When we expect otherwise, we might think there's something wrong with us. We might think an injustice has taken place. We might have trouble accepting reality. We might try to numb, escape, or fight. Ultimately, reacting to many negative experiences that way isn't helpful. 

We can accept there will be problems in life. We can expect negative emotions sometimes. We can also have hope. We can do what we can to fix problems within our control. We can also believe there will be tender mercies, strengthening moments, miracles, interventions, blessings, and ultimately salvation through Jesus Christ.

Bell Canyon Reservoir

 I love this hike. It's close to home and relatively easy.

Pity Plus Sunshine

I have a friend who has cancer. She recently posted some of her fears about it on Instagram. In the comments, she explained she wasn't asking for pity or encouragement. She was just posting for her journal, for somewhere to express herself. Even so, many of her friends made comments that were full of pity and encouragement. That's not what she said she wanted, but I guess those friends couldn't stay quiet. I hope she felt loved. I hope she keeps posting about the hard days.

What is it about pity that makes everything worse?

As far as I know, I don't have cancer. My harder days can't compare to my friend's. Sometimes I do have bad days or weeks. The other day, I posted on Instagram something like, "Darker difficult days sometimes lighten up." It was a bit of hyperbole. 

My intention was to express how I felt lighter after a lovely walk outside. Being out in the sun helped. I didn't want to focus on the darkness of earlier, but on the light I was feeling in the evening. I didn't explain what I hoped to hear in response. As usual, I was mostly writing for myself.

Life is full of contrasts. Sometimes really difficult and dark experiences happen on the same day as enormously happy things. The tough times sharpen the joyful times. It's easier to be grateful for a sunny day when you've had some rain.

I wished I hadn't posted about the difficulties. I received unwanted and unneeded sympathy and encouragement from a couple of kind friends. I remembered something similar happened a year or so earlier. I didn't like the responses then either. I thought about deleting the recent post, but I liked the pictures so ended up editing down the words. I don't want anyone to worry about me.

I'm fine. And I'm not fine. I become very private and more introverted when I'm struggling. I'm the kind of person who likes to be alone until she feels better. I like to be a positive influence in the world. I like to forget myself and my problems.

Also, part of me doesn't like to be alone all the time. I'm thankful for the few who walk with me through all kinds of days.

Bryce Canyon National Park Day 1

We recently returned from a wonderful trip to Bryce Canyon National Park. There are several posts here from that experience.

On our first day, after a picnic, we walked south toward Sunset Point. Here are pictures of our views.

Bryce Canyon National Park Day 2 Hike

I'm posting these pictures out of the order we saw them. We walked from Sunset Point to Sunrise Point on the Queen's Garden/ Navajo Loop Trails up through the Two Bridges area which is posted first.

Bryce Canyon National Park Day 2 Scenic Drive

 

Here are a few pictures I took from viewpoints in Bryce National Park on the scenic drive up to Mile 18 and back.

Bryce Canyon National Park Day 3- Mossy Cave Hike

Don't miss the Mossy Cave hike if you ever go to Bryce Canyon National Park! It was my absolute favorite experience this visit. These pictures are mostly in the order I took them. Since I'd never been there before, I took the most pictures of this hike.