Propinquity Matters

A month or so ago, while I was listening to a BYU graduation speech, I learned a new word: propinquity. It means something similar to proximity: being near others, but also implies a feeling of closeness or kinship. The speech was given by Kevin J. Worthen called "The Propinquity Effect" and can be found on YouTube if you follow the link HERE.

Scientists have observed that people who are near one another tend to become closer emotionally. Simply repeatedly seeing someone can increase positive feelings toward them. Spending time with people with whom we want to feel close will help us become closer. 

I read a book this week called Love 2.0 by Barbara L. Fredrickson. She says love is different than feeling affectionate, having a commitment to someone, or feeling a bond. She says that "connection and positive resonance" are truer definitions of love. She says loving someone only happens when you are actually with them or doing something for them. She suggests love happens with action-- when we are near others and connect to them in positive ways. She presents logical, biological, psychological, non-emotional, and scientific reasons for cultivating love toward everyone we encounter. Those small moments add up to a sense of well being. 

Sounds to me like love requires propinquity.

My husband is really good at what he calls "points of connection" between us. He works nine hour days and is otherwise very busy, but he makes time for us to be together. He likes to listen to audio books, while I read the hard copy version on my own, so when we are together we have something to discuss. Date nights are important to him. Just sitting next to each other in the car, or while watching TV or a movie, count as points of connection. Thankfully, we are so close that despite my introversion, being with him doesn't deplete me; it's enjoyable and calming.

Also, a couple of days ago I started thinking about how Jesus Christ spent His mission in face-to-face, one-on-one encounters. He served, blessed, and taught individual people in very personal ways. He truly demonstrated love in action with pure connection. Propinquity seemed to matter to Him. 

It's not always easy for me to mix and mingle, but I'm learning it's probably worth it. Between Worthen's speech, Fredrickson's book, and the ideal Jesus Christ exemplified, I'm realizing being with people is more important and beneficial than I thought. Propinquity matters.