Weary of "Should"

They are just words, but thinking about them differently might lead to better results. I was thinking about the word "should."

I'm not talking about things we always do. I'm talking about less important things, or ways we're trying to improve, such as cleaning or making healthier choices. 

I've heard if you do what you should do 80% of the time, you can do what you want to do 20% of the time and still get positive results. That's probably true.

Doing what I don't want to do has become increasingly intolerable. Not doing something just because someone else thinks I should do it has become easier. Unfortunately, I'm not always getting the results I want.

Of course I've heard the advice that you can change "I should" or "I have to"  into "I get to." Such as, "I get to wash the dishes and do the laundry! Hooray!" Maybe that works for some people.

That's where thinking about things differently and using other words might help. 

Instead of saying, "I should," I could say, "I need to" or "I'm taking the opportunity."

For example, I may not want to cut back on eating so much sugar, but I need to because I want to feel better. I may not want to do the pile of dishes left in the sink over the weekend, but I have the opportunity to do it this morning and I'll feel better if I do. 

I still may not want to, but I know I need to for self respect. If I don't, the negative result wouldn't be worth it. If I don't, it might be contrary to my higher values or desired long-term results. I can take the opportunity to do some things just because they matter to me.

If it's important for the results I want, then regardless of how I feel, it makes sense to do it. I don't have to feel coerced. I don't even have to think about how I feel. I can just do it. Or, if it truly doesn't matter, I can not do it without guilt.

I need to let go of the word "should." If I take the opportunity to focus on the results I want, I will likely experience better results.

Red Butte Garden in August

It's rained some lately, but much of Utah still looks golden dry. I told my husband I was worried there wouldn't be anything beautiful up at Red Butte Garden. Ha. They water consistently up there, plus they have a lot of drought-resistant plants. 

I like all the succulents. Here are a few.

They also have blooming desert willows. Sadly, I did not get a good picture of them. Here are my blurry attempts.

The roses are back and blooming after a dry July. I particularly like their bright colors. The smell is also heavenly.

I need to remember, no matter the season, there's always something beautiful up there in the garden.

I also enjoyed looking at the artwork in the visitor center gallery by Chase McCleary. For some reason, the ravens in particular caught my eye. It was hard to avoid the reflections. 

Holding Space and Giving Grace

The past few months, I've been thinking about the concepts of "holding space" and "giving grace."

What does it mean to hold space? I think it means to allow people the room they need to express themselves and to be themselves. It means withholding judgment when someone speaks. It means caring about people enough to really listen, to be curious, and to just be there for them. 

I want to get better at holding space.

What does it mean to give grace? Like holding space, I think it means to withhold judgment. It means showing understanding and forgiveness. It means to still care about people even though, and maybe because, we're all imperfect. 

I've been taught that grace is the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. He can give us the power to do what we need to do. He fills the gaps between our imperfections, justice, and mercy. He offers true compassion, understanding, patience, and forgiveness.

I want to get better at giving grace. 

I've also been thinking a lot about parenting. I've begun to understand that I am incapable of accurately evaluating myself as a parent. I know I did good things and not so good things, but I realize I can't say exactly what I did that was good and what I did that wasn't good. That's because I can't see the entire picture. I don't remember everything. I don't fully know how I impacted my children. Maybe they don't even know.

I know I tried. I know I loved them. I still try. I still love them.

I want to hold space for my children so they can more easily express their feelings about their childhood. I recently returned from a family reunion which generated a lot of thoughts and memories about my own upbringing. It was an interesting time and space for conversations about the experiences of myself and my siblings.

I want to give grace to my children. I hope we can continue to have loving relationships. I want to give grace to myself for what I did wrong and for what I did right as a parent. I want to forgive all the people that challenged me while growing up.  

Space+Grace+A lot of other things=Love.