The first time I remember getting mad at God about opposition was when I was sixteen years old. I felt too old and too feminine for a paper route, but I had one. The newspapers I was supposed to deliver, using my ten-speed bike around a large area of the neighborhood, arrived much later than usual. It was already getting dark, it was cold, I was afraid of angry customers and their dogs, and I was afraid of a part of the neighborhood where a man would often stand out in his yard and watch me. Even in daylight, I would peddle as fast as I could past that scary man so he wouldn’t grab me off my bike or attack me if I stopped. I knew by the time I reached that area, it would be totally dark. I was terrified.
My mom was gone, my older sister was busy doing homework, and my dad was reading one of those newspapers. Though I pleaded and cried, nobody would help me deliver the papers by car. I was on my own. I felt unloved and alone.
With the saddle bags on my bike weighing it down and banging against the spokes, I quickly rode up Atkin Avenue. Tears clouded my vision. Then a scripture from my recent reading in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ came to mind: 2 Nephi 2:11, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.” I was experiencing opposition, but I couldn’t understand why. Why did I have to go through this? Why wouldn’t anybody help me? I felt hurt, neglected, and angry with God that life was so hard and somehow needed to be.
Now, it’s 42 years later. I had no idea how difficult my life would become at times.
For years, I believed that I would be happy if I kept all the commandments to the best of my ability. I would be blessed and protected. As it says in The Book of Mormon, Alma 41:10, I knew "Wickedness never was happiness." I thought being sad or having big problems was a sign that I was doing something wrong, that it meant I needed to repent so I could be worthy of blessings again.
Logically, I knew that wasn’t true, but I didn’t internalize that in my heart until around 2019. From a podcast, I learned the truth that it’s unrealistic to expect to be happy all of the time. In fact, sometimes we want to be sad: like when we feel grief, when we are disappointed, when we are hurt, when someone we love has been hurt, and so on. Sometimes we will be lonely or depressed. I don’t always want to be happy in such circumstances. It wouldn’t be a natural or normal response to certain negative circumstances.
The podcast told me it’s likely we’ll have both positive emotions and negative emotions throughout life. We can expect it to be a 50/50 situation, half negative and half positive. Like the scripture says, there needs to be opposition in all things. If we feel a negative emotion, it doesn’t mean anything has necessarily gone wrong. It’s just part of life.
This is a simplification, but we can not only expect negative emotions, but we can also accept them as part of mortality. If we don’t, and resist the emotion by burying it, hiding it, or buffering because of it (eating too much or indulging in other coping mechanisms), we will likely make our experience more difficult and complicated, or pile on judgments that intensify the negative emotions. We might be depressed about being depressed, or feel anxious that we’re experiencing anxiety.
Instead, at times it might help if we can name the emotion, try to understand where it came from, be honest with ourselves, and let it exist. Then we can work through it without resistance. If we understand it, and where it came from, we can decide whether or not we want to feel that emotion. Feelings come from thoughts, so it’s possible to choose to change our thoughts. Though there are ways to expedite a change of emotions by thinking different thoughts, if we can withhold judgement and simply identify them, negative emotions will frequently pass relatively quickly on their own.
This particularly applies to “clean pain” from useful emotions. There are also emotions that are not useful or helpful, like self pity or jealousy. If we decide an emotion is not useful, we can think different thoughts or reframe a situation so that we can potentially alter those emotions more quickly.
The truth is, we can expect to feel negative emotions, especially in the midst of difficult experiences. We can expect that there will be opposition in life. Bad things happen to everyone, not just so-called bad people. Terrible things happen to good people too. All kinds of experiences are meant to be part of our lives.
But why? Why would a loving God allow such things? Even innocent people suffer so terribly on this earth.
There’s a scripture in The Doctrine and Covenants section 122 verse 7 that says, “All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” So we learn from difficulties. But punishing circumstances as a way of teaching and learning just feels mean. Even though I understand the concept of learning from difficulty, I was angry about that scripture for a while too.
Later in The Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi, Chapter 2, there is more explanation about the necessity for opposition in all things. Verse 16 says, “Wherefore, God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save that he should be enticed by one or the other.”
So that describes the necessity of possible alternatives, opposites, to enable our ability to act or choose. If everything was always good and easy, we would not be able to identify and choose between good and evil. We need difficulty to grow and become stronger. Agency is so central to God’s plan, that we sometimes experience the negative effects of our own and other people’s poor choices. Natural consequences are generally allowed to happen. Though I believe God can and does intervene at times according to His will and our faith, sometimes He doesn’t.
Sometimes it’s like learning to walk or learning to ride a bike. Falling is often part of the process. If we are too afraid to fall, we won’t learn those things. Getting back up, learning from where we went wrong, and trying again helps us gain the strength we need to successfully walk or ride a bike. Opposition is part of the growing process.
I believe God is interested in who we are becoming. It’s through the use of agency that we change and grow. Something I’ve learned recently is that when we go through a difficult experience, we are given an opportunity to choose who we want to be in that situation. Who do we want to show up as? Those hard experiences allow us to practice being the type of people we want to be. Do we want to complain, be paralyzed, and fall into despair? Or do we want to try to be optimistic, to try to feel grateful and hopeful, to show up, and be among the helpers? Without those difficult experiences, we wouldn’t have that practice to become who we want to become.
True caring includes believing that people can learn, grow, and change. If we truly love them, we encourage others to be their best selves. We believe in them. Not only that, we’re there for them. Through many experiences, I have learned, if we turn to Him, God will not leave us alone in our difficulties. As it says in the Bible, John 14:18, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” We can rely upon the Lord to help us in our difficulties. We can pray for help, for strength, for comfort, and for understanding.
That evening 42 years ago, when I was feeling angry and alone on my paper route, I had a profound spiritual experience. As I turned the corner, riding along 20th East between Atkin Avenue and Mary Dott Way, I saw in the west one of the most beautiful and bright yellow and orange sunsets I’ve ever seen. The words came into my mind, “I love you.” I knew the words were from Heavenly Father. I felt that sunset was just for me. I knew that though I didn’t feel love from my family at that time, I felt love from Him. He was aware of me. I was not left alone. I was truly comforted.
For the rest of the paper route, no dogs came after me, no people yelled at me, and that scary man wasn’t out in his yard watching for me. I felt God’s spirit with me the rest of that evening. I felt at peace.
Since then, I have had numerous similar experiences. I know we can receive the strength, hope, peace, and love from God as we go through the necessary opposition we experience in life. Because there is opposition, we have freedom to choose. We can recognize the difference between good and evil. We are slowly becoming who He knows we can become. He loves us enough to allow us this mortal experience and to help us along the way.
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