Forgiveness Brings Peace

A couple of weeks ago, I saw my shadow fall against a painted brick with the word "FORGIVE" on it when I was walking in the wild area of Wheeler Farm. I thought it would be interesting to take a picture that made it look like "forgive" was being placed on my shadow's mind.

I decided to save the picture to use in a blog post about forgiveness. I wanted to say something like, It's good to choose to forgive.

I didn't find time to write that post until today.

One of the things that was slowing the writing down was that I hadn't had any recent situations where I needed to forgive anyone. "Forgive" wasn't really on my mind. 

Just a few days ago, that changed. 

Without the intent to hurt, someone said something to me and another loved one that felt terrible. I know I overreacted. I was angry. The comment also influenced me to feel shame. I worried how the other loved one would feel about the comment.

I really don't like worry, hurt, shame, and anger. Thankfully, I'm not used to them; I feel calm and peaceful most of the time. 

I wanted to forgive quickly. It wasn't happening fast. It took a lot of work and a bit of time before the forgiveness came. First I had to work on my thoughts. 

Initially, I was focusing on the terrible words. I had to remind myself that they weren't said to hurt. The person saw something they thought was funny, and verbalized it. I shared with this person why it was hurtful and they seemed to understand.  

They didn't apologize. For me, it's a lot easier to feel validated and to forgive if someone says sorry even if they didn't do something on purpose. But I'm an experienced forgiver. I know that I can't require apologies. I can choose to forgive without them.

Even so, I wanted to hang onto those angry, hurt feelings because it felt like I could somehow punish the person with them. It's easy to want to hurt others who hurt us. I'm confident the person felt little to no ill effects from my negative emotions. I knew I was hurting myself, not them, by hanging onto the hurt.

After a few hours passed, I realized I'd overreacted. The hurting wasn't intentional. Perhaps they had no idea the underlying feelings it could trigger. They knew what they said was unkind, but since they were simply sharing what they thought was funny, they must have assumed it shouldn't hurt. 

The bottom line was I didn't like how I was feeling or the results the feelings produced. I felt tension throughout my body to the point I was feeling sick and getting a headache. It was time to let go. 

So I did. I chose to forgive. 

To help, I did something nice for the person. I soon felt better.

One of the interesting things about forgiveness is that it doesn't always come with forgetting what happened. I am no longer consciously trying to be guarded, but I've noticed I am. It's a natural consequence. It can be hard to trust, hard to feel safe once feeling hurt. Maybe that's okay; it's important to protect ourselves. 

As I write this, other times I've needed to forgive loved ones for bigger, sometimes intentional offenses have come to mind. They are powerful, painful memories. In each situation, I know I've forgiven the person or people, but I haven't forgotten. 

I'm also thinking about times I've wanted others to forgive me. I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned from the mistakes I've made. I'm hopeful for forgiveness from those I've hurt in any way. Knowing this makes it easier to want to extend forgiveness to those by whom I've felt hurt. 

A couple of Sundays ago, I taught my church Primary class of nine-to-eleven-year-olds about how to "open the door" to let Jesus Christ into our lives. I also told them that of all the things I'd want for them this Christmas, I want them to have peace most of all. I told them that peace can come through Jesus Christ. I gave them each a little white bird to remind them that they can turn to Jesus Christ for help to receive that peace. 

If we choose, and open the door to let Him into our hearts, Jesus Christ can help us figure out how to forgive others and return to feeling peace. 

It's important to realize we have the power to direct our thoughts and feelings. We don't have to believe or hold onto everything we think. 

Sometimes we need heavenly help to do it, but I believe it's important to know we can choose to forgive and be restored to peace.